Blog Assignment 4: Improving Professional Correspondence

To: T. Leoni, Manager, Personnel Department 
From: Donald Pryzblo, Manager, Data Processing Department 
Subject: INCORRECT PAYROLL CHECKS


Mr. Leoni,


          I have been reviewing the errors in the computer files.  Contrary to what you insinuated in our meeting, the majority of these errors were made by your clerks.  I do not feel that my people should be blamed for this.  They are correctly copying the faulty time tickets that your clerks are preparing.  You and I discussed requiring my computer operators to compare their entries with the time sheets from which your clerks are copying.  This would be very time-consuming for my people to do, and your clerks are miscopying them, so it would not be a good idea.  My people do not have the time to correct the errors made by your people, and I will not hire additional help for such work.  I recommend that you tell your clerks to review their work carefully before giving it to the computer operators.


Thank you,


Donald Pryzblo




          When I first read this email, I did not like how it was set up.  There were too many paragraphs than there should have been.  Although I did not like the setup of the email, I continued to read it, and I was able to understand it.  For the revision of the email, I moved all of the information into one large paragraph.  This way, it looked more professional and was easier to read.  Also, I took out the quotation marks that were located around the word errors in the first sentence.  The reason I took that out was because it was not professional to make a joke such as that in a professional email.  The email was written in very harsh language.  I changed a few of the sentences, so it would not sound as harsh towards Mr. T. Leoni.


          I thought the words in the email were written very well, so I did not change much of 
the wording.  After I revised a portion of the email, I hope that it was easier to read than it was how it was originally written.  Also, I hope that it looked more professional instead of a few sentences creating many paragraphs.  I changed some of the language in the email to make it sound more formal and professional.  The way it was originally written, it was not professional at all, and it was an attack on a certain person.  I hope I made the email more professional sounding since it was written about a business setting.

Blog Assignment 3: Defining Your Brochure’s Objectives

     This week, I will be talking about effective and non-effective ways that Universities in the South recruit students to a certain major.  Since my major is elementary education, I will be focused on that major.  While searching on the internet, I looked at Universities in Mississippi, Alabama, and Louisiana.  First, I went to Mississippi State’s University.  From there, I went to Ole Miss’s webpage, and was able to find information about their elementary education program.  The next websites that I went to were Louisiana State University and the University of Alabama’s website. 

     After viewing the web pages of these four universities surrounding USM, I discovered that Mississippi State no longer has an education program.  Louisiana State University’s web page was effective, but it was not the most effective in my opinion.  The university that was the most effective in choosing elementary education as one’s major was Ole Miss.  I found their education program at http://education.olemiss.edu/depts/curinstr.html.  The most effective part of their website to me was that they had an abundant amount of information on their page compared to the others.  After reading the information about the elementary education program, the contact information for the school was listed.  It gave the address, the phone number, and the fax number, which covered the main ways of contacting someone.  On the information page, a link to the undergraduate and graduate program was listed, so one could view the different levels under the main program.  The university that I found to be the least effective was the University of Alabama located at http://education.ua.edu/departments/ci/elementary-education/bse/.  On this website, there was not much information given.  The website was not very interesting to view; it did not catch my attention like the website for Ole Miss did.  The contact information was given, but it was under a different link.  It was not on the same information page like the Ole Miss contact information was.  I was not pleased with that website at all.

     When creating my own brochure for elementary education at the University of Southern Miss, I know I need to use an abundant amount of information that is helpful to students.  I will need to include the contact information as well as including bright colors and pictures.  Also, will think about the following:

Overall Purpose

1. What are you writing? A brochure about my major, elementary education

2. What prompts you to write? The education program

3. What outcome do you desire? I want to show others how great the education program is and how the country needs great teachers.

4. What outcome does your reader desire? To have read a great brochure about the education program

Reader Profile

1. Who is your primary reader? My teacher and my classmates

2. What is your reader’s relationship to you? My teacher and my peers

3. What are your reader’s job title and responsibilities? To make sure that I did the assignment right and to teach how to do it.

4. Who else might read your communication? Other education majors

5. How familiar is your reader with your subject? Somewhat familiar

6. How familiar is your reader with your specialty? Somewhat familiar

7. Does your reader have any communication preferences you should take into account? No

8. Should you take into account any other things about your reader when writing? Different ways to keep them interested.

Situational Analysis

1.      What events and circumstances influence the way you should write?  The different events that are involved within the education program.

Usability Objectives (Reader’s Tasks)

1. What are the key questions your reader will ask while reading? Why should I choose elementary education, why is this piece of information important, etc. 

2. How will your reader search for the answer? (The reader may use more

than one strategy.)

          _X_ Sequential reading from beginning to end

          ____ Selective reading, as when using a reference book (what key terms

          will your reader look for?)From Paul V. Anderson’s Technical Communication: A Reader-Centered Approach

          ____ Other (explain)

3. How will your reader use the information you provide?

          ____ Compare point by point (what will be the points of comparison?)

          _X _ Attempt to determine how the information you provide will affect him or her

          _X_ Attempt to determine how the information you provide will affect his or her organization

          _X_ Follow instructions step by step

          ____ Other (explain)

Persuasive Objectives (Reader’s Attitudes)

1. What is your reader’s attitude toward your subject? Why? What do you

want it to be? Interested

2. What is your reader’s attitude toward you? Why? What do you want it to

be? Very good

Stakeholders

1. Who, besides your readers, are stakeholders in your communication? Other education majors

2. How will they be affected by it? Very affected

Constraints

1. What expectations, regulations, or other factors limit the way you can write? I can only write the way education majors write.